Friday, June 26, 2009

Another thought

I just stumbled upon May Zhee's blog while waiting for Fatty to finish killing "the big boss" then go to sleep together at the same time. I was expecting somebody to review the donuts she had.

Sometimes before I sleep [or when I cant sleep or having trouble sleeping or after a fight], I will seriously think: Am I being too demanding or asking a little too much? Am I really not appreciating all the good things I have right now??

I tried. I really tried to weigh things properly and putting myself in his shoes. I give you example:

1) Smoking!

You know he stopped - LITERALLY QUIT - smoking some time before we started hanging out at a higher frequency. I was really touched by his determination and thought he's rather different from other normal guys I know. He said it in front of Hamster and I : Mahai my stamina damn low wei what the fuck..... *elaborate more on his low stamina-ness* I think must be fags lah. I'm gonna stop smoking no matter what.

Comparing him with Edwin, who tried too, to quit smoking but lasted only for 4 long days, I thought he's just another talk-only-no-action fella. But in the end, he did it. And for all I know, he did it because he wants to excel in what he's doing in gym. He did it for himself, unlike others.. who tried to [more like PRETENDING TO] quit just cause the gf doesn't like it..

I was so damn touched okay!! Nearly cry that kind...

Just few months back, when I discover a brand new box of cigarette in his drawer, I got so furious that I hid myself in the toilet. I dont feel like seeing him nor talking to him at all seriously.
He then said, he stop smoking because at that time, he thinks I dont like it and wants to impress me. *?!?!?!?!?!!!?!!!!!!!*

Later he explained, he realised that smoking doesn't affect his stamina so he still can do his work outs without any difficulties. And he said to me this, which I hated to hear the most " NO. You dont smoke you dont understand"

Here's my argument:-

a) Well, since you did STOP touching cigarettes for almost a year? back then cause you know I dont like it that's the reason why you stop in the very first place right? *clears throat* I've never once stop to dislike smokers so why cant you stop continuing what you've stopped and continue to stop what you have stopped?

b) Why stop impressing me edi? continue lah! Come on, you want this relationship to work dont you? So continue to impress me lah! Why so fast sao gong?

c) Why continue to indulge in all these bad habits when you have successfully banish them from your life? It's just like, girls, when you have eliminate a pimple from your face will you say oh pls pimple come back I want you pls dont go? No right?... SAME LAH!!!

d) I dont need you to stop smoking FOR ME. Yes I dont like it, but if since the very beginning you never once have had the intention to stop smoking and never did stop I will not bother asking you to stop. I will even help you to light your fag. I will encourage you to smoke more I will even encourage you to be a hero one shot smoke 5 sticks. I wont need to think what to buy for you on Christmas day or your birthday because I know a carton of cigarette is equivalent to millions of I Love You. Save all my trouble.

Seriously if this is the case I will not angry when you smoke right in front of me, even right now. I will not complain when you room and car smells like a cremation centre.

But YOU HAVE STOPPED. Not for 4 days okay. For ALMOST A YEAR!! And you started it all over again. That is the part I cannot and will never understand.

Yes he promised only social smoking. But do you think I am that stupid to believe he will not abuse the phrase? Is smoking while driving alone social smoking? Is smoking while walking away to make a phone call social smoking? I keep quiet doesn't I am stupid okay!!!! And yea social smoking. Everytime after gym, yumcha with gym friends, hisap dunno how many batang.. that is social smoking ah? [And one week 5 days of gym..]

I must emphasise taht I am not talking about NOW. It's not about just NOW. I am talking bout the whole period of 1 year and 8 mths.

But sometimes, whenever he's troubled then smoke.. of course I kept quiet. Open one eyes close one eyes.

Am I thinking the wrong way now? I seriously think I am super-duper right. I am fcuking not wrong!

2) World of Warcraft

He started playing cause he was having injuries. He cant move much hence staying home can say is his only option. I can understand that.

At first when he told me his cousin's gf doesn't like his cousin to play all these.. I thought she was just being bossy and it's a ridiculous demand. But now I totally agree with her. 100% agreement!!


But eversince he started WoW, he's just so hooked up that he didn't even realised there's an incoming msg.. AND HIS PHONE IS JUST PLACED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM, ON THE SAME COMPUTER TABLE. -_____- This is just one of the example.

When he first start, I was preparing for my exam. I dont like it cause he didn't look at my face at all but I cant complain cause I was suppose to study. But after exam, he got even more addicted to the game. You know how often I'd go over to his place. But not anymore because I cannot stand being ignored or have to pretend that I too would like to know more bout the game.

I cant go outside watch tv. Besides it's really weird to go all the way to his place JUST to watch tv.. as if my house have got no tv. He prefers me to stay in the room with him. I have literally nothing to do but to watch him play, or to sleep [which actually is not an option also]. I tried to find one good book from his sister's shelf but her book collections are too geeky for me. Basically I stoned the whole entire time or entertain myself while he was playing, until he managed to finish his quest or kill the big boss.

Even his parents asked me "how come I rarely see you wan lately?"

How not to not complain or make noise when you're in such situation? And and, sometimes when I go over, he just woke up blablabla wash up everything. Then, on comp. OR OR OR OR OR.. come back from somewhere maximise WoW screen then said "oh i checking something"

I really dont mind him play game. But why cant he play when I am not around? Why cant he check that something before or after I ciao? Cannot pause the game for a while? Or maybe just make a schedule lah if you know I'll be coming over then set a time lah..

I mean, lately I've been a very good girl. I stay home a lot and I dont go home late. Which also mean, time is very precious to us. The amount of time I spent or will be spending at his place is only 10% or so of his whole entire day. He have 90% of his time to play game. Why must he eat up even my 10% of time?!?!?!?!!!!

There is still no mutual understand in this current issue and I dont understand WHY?!?!! I am just asking for proper time apportionment is that so hard?

Are you feeling what I'm feeling?

Am I being too much? Am I so inconsiderate? Am I not appreciating everything I have? Am I being too demanding?? AM I AM I AM I?!?!?!?!!?!


_VeL_ said...

Hmm. Guys are ALL like that when they're addicted to a game, especially ONLINE games. Wayne's brother is like that too. =.=

Thanks GOD that my weng weng is not like that. HahaHA. Talk to him la. Let him know how is it la. How you feel. It's not really demanding too much la. Try let him understand lo.

cheahwey said...

Rational man your arguments...

Deng, the very eveel genius said...

Why stop impressing me edi? continue lah!

You're funny. =)

RE: Smoking

I was really impressed too, about him quiting on the basis of it affecting his stamina all. Who knew...

But I can't say much for this la. Since, you know.. Sigh. My mother giving me shit about it so often I really, really beh tahan sometimes.


Actually since you and his family so close already, no harm watching tv at his place wert. If he says he prefers you to be in the room with him, then you say la, 'You don't layan me also, I stay here and stone for what.'

And the dress hor.. Hwey told me already. I have an idea (somewhat) of how it looks like. I'm gonna browse through your blog to see your dresses. =)

-Littlenicky- said...

yeah be happy ur weng weng is so guai zhai. i talk until give up loh!

u think so? *phew*

oh ur mum knows bout bernard ahem ah?

yeah sometimes i go outside watch tv but i just feel like, i come see u to spend time, not to watch tv.. then whats the point of going over... u get me ah.

if i say i got noting to do he sure say GOT. u can massage ma -.-

no need browse thru so mafan lah later i post them up let u see lah. then i delete loh. easy.

Deng, the very eveel genius said...

I found it!

White eyelet.

Wah, I had a great time browsing through your old posts man. XD Damn funny. Especially the one about the Mickey ring.

And I just realised we got the same

-Littlenicky- said...

u want tht one?

I can pinjam u blair Waldorf's headband. look so swwet ;)

Deng, the very eveel genius said...

Eh, you not talking about that dress meh?? Hwey said something eyelet ma. Which dress were you referring to?

-Littlenicky- said...

yalah tht dress lah. if u want tht dress, i pinjam u the white hair band also lah!!!


Deng, the very eveel genius said...

Fuyoh. Gamer's lingo sial.

Can la. If i can fit. I have a feeling I can't fit into the dress..

So what shoes did you wear to go with it?

-Littlenicky- said...

u can fit. it's free size.. fits XS and S.. and maybe M.

I usually pair it with ballerina flats. white wan. U want can wear maryjanes. or pumps.. =D

eh tht dress dun look nice with strappy heels. Unless it's very strappy and high.

go for something chunky.. you know.. vintage look!

Deng, the very eveel genius said...

Aiyah, I got brown flats instead. Brown okay right?

-Littlenicky- said...

eh how i know lah. u testing tht time see how lo. i bring about 4 dresses.. then u try them lo

the rest are tube dress... u want can tell me ;)

ThE GuY WiTh tHe FoRk anD SpOoN! said...

don't marah-marah.
go play restaurant city!!

Cathy C said...

I can FEEL you too..Waa, after listening to your story, I feel teckweng slightly better abit, at least when he games, he hope to have some time to enjoy the game..but when he's with me, at least he did spend time with me instead of gaming and gaming and gaming..HAHA..

But seriously, talk to him about this..all these while, can feel that he really really likes you, I'm sure he will do something to work this out..cheer up :)