Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Patience is a virtue

I was never known for being patience and tolerant. I was manufactured like this, just like how Russ would stuff polyester fillings into their soft toys except my "polyester fillings" are anger.

I get irritated easily and I always very short fuse. I am always very firey and I can get really angry over the smallest matter in the world. Sometimes I'm so angry I dont bother express my angry because I was too angry that I couldn't breathe.

But if you ask me, I dont think nor do I feel I'm being irrational. Because half the time I'm just unhappy over certain things and sometimes it's none of my business to speak up and sometimes I feel it's not worth it to expose my facial skin to higher risk of getting wrinkles earlier than it should.

One thing amazes me is that, I dont understand how can I be so patient with Bird.

He is one lazy fat ass that does not do as he's told, that procrastinates all day long and the thing I dislike most is he is super duper long winded (worse than my grandmother that kind). Even his sister cannot stand his long windedness. I cannot stand long winded people partly cause they make me feel old and are reminding me that I'm aging and most irritating part, they disturb my thread of thoughts.

Even when it comes to MY FATHER , I will show him a displeased face if he's overly long winded.

Ya you're right I am here to complain about my boyfriend!

I dont really like to compare because I know people will do that to me and it's never a nice feeling unless you know you're on a winning end, but still, not nice. However I cant seem to help it but constantly compare Bird to my brother who is the complete opposite - sweet, gentle, understand girls, does house chores , neat and tidy, smells great, doesn't smoke, romantic and one who likes to dress up.

I hate it when he wears his signature checkered or plaid button down shirt paired with his uncle looking khakis shorts from Dockers then just simply slip on his pasar malam fugly Croc slipper.


While me, on the other hand, dresses up so nicely and pretty and beautiful and trendy and fashionable and smells great with all the hair done nicely make up done neatly.

K. I dont always dress up but I always make sure I look presentable and clean and neat. Even if I'm in shorts I make sure I at least maybe wear expensive tee shirt? I'm talking bout going to shopping mall and makan at a nicer place. If go night market he wear like this I wont even care lah obviously!

Somestimes when my mood is more towards the foul side I really will feel he's memalu-ing me and during terrible mood periods I will scold him and eventually ruin the day out, which by that time I wouldn't mind crashing a good day cause I'm already so angry why should you be happy?

Is it so hard to just dress up a little? I'm not asking you to wear this and that as if you're a mannequin of some boutique in Tokyo. Just something less uncle. So hard?

I hate it when he shouts at me.

I know he did not do it on purpose. He thinks he's talking normal because he's bloody deaf! Day and night blast the music/video/movie/game lah! When I talk normal he says I'm whispering and when I'm whispering he thinks I'm keeping quiet. Sometimes even worse, I'm talking normal and he doesn't realised I'm talking -___-

Whether purposely or not, it doesn't feel good to have someone shouting at you. Ya I know you have hearing problem but do u think I will remember it everyday since sometimes you can speak in a normal tone or sometimes even softer.

I despise him when he breaks his promises.

Just like today.

Few weeks ago while he was tied up with assignments and busying studying for finals and I wanted to buy some snacks from pasar malam. He couldn't and he promised will bring me out once he's done with exams.

Fine. I'm a reasonable person. I wait.

(As to why I wait because at that time no one's going with me. Brenda is not around sometimes and sometimes she has some chores to do as her house is going through a major face lift process. Some of my friends are working I reckon they should be too tired to teman me? And point number two cause he pays for my snacks thank you.)

So by right, immediately after exam means last thursday he SHOULD bring me but instead he disappointed me by saying "I missed gym for 3 mths already". Ya he made up on saturday but that is not what I want.

I WANT YOU TO SACRIFICE GYM TO GO PASAR MALAM WITH ME AS PROMISED. Already missed 3 mths, miss one more day make no difference lah!!!

Then he brought me out for some nicer lunch on friday and sunday, and just now. And the fact that I walked IKEA with him because he wanted to find some swivel chairs. I didnt even get a chance to look at my clothes. And he called that "teman me"


And ya just now did brought me to pasar malam but the entire journey he was complaining bout the traffic and crowd and smoke and dirts and sweats and everything he can think of. Ya sure he brought me there but complaining so much you think it counted as accompanying me ah? It's a chore already!!

And just to be clear, today he missed gym cause his training partner is not well. So now you do the math lah, I gotta wait for a no gym day and must be either on a monday or thursday. The probability is really low you know! Then at first when I insist on going he's trying to persuade me not to go?

I'm really sleepy right now. At the same time thinking hard why and how come and why why why am I so patient with him?

You know he always joked bout us getting married, wo men shi lao kong lao po etc etc. Seriously, I dont care if he's 100% joking or partially meant it, I just know that he is definitely not the person I'll marry. Together as a young couple still alright I dont think we're the right person for each other to spend the rest of the life with. In a serious relationship is one thing, getting married is another matter.

I'm not being emotional or what. It's just a feeling, a knowing. I'll puke to death if we were to tie the knot.


_VeL_ said...

Wah so serious meh. The last one, "I'll puke to death if we were to tie the knot". Maybe he's just a boring guy that stick to what he likes and cares less about girl. Wayne sometimes also like that de. But once I told him how I felt and how I would be happier if he does that, he would change somehow.

Try talk or TEXT him about it. See he wants to make the initiative to change or not.

-Littlenicky- said...

boring one thing. effort another..

being a couple is one.. married is another..

i just dont think we can be that good till get married tht kind lar.. its not what i want

i know him for so long.. he wont change wan.. unless maybe if i gan lou zhao, then there's a 50% chance tht he will change...